The words that are hurting men: "man up."

"Man up." "Suck it up." "Don't be a sissy."


We've all heard them. Most of us have had them directed at us, especially as boys. They are meant to encourage toughness, resilience, and stoicism. But what if this advice, given with the best of intentions, is actually doing incredible harm?
When we tell a boy who is sad, scared, or hurting to "man up," we are not teaching him to be strong. We are teaching him three damaging lessons:

1. Your feelings are invalid: We teach him that certain emotions (sadness, fear) are illegitimate and should be suppressed.

2. Vulnerability is weakness: We teach him that showing his authentic feelings is a character flaw.

3. You are alone in your struggle: We teach him that reaching out for help is not an option.


This conditioning leads directly to the problems we see in adult men: emotional illiteracy, isolation, and an inability to build deep, trusting relationships. It's the root cause of the "tough guy" persona that leaves so many men feeling like they're wearing a mask.


True strength is not the ability to feel nothing. It is the courage to feel everything and still choose to act with integrity. It's having the emotional intelligence to understand what you're feeling and the communication skills to express it constructively.


Let's retire "man up" from our vocabulary. Instead, let's start asking, "What's going on?" and "How can I help?" That's how you build a truly strong man.

Badasses aren't born, they're built. So let's get to work.

In Chapter 9 of Be a Badass Man, you’ll learn to unlearn harmful lessons and build true emotional intelligence.